I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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