i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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