now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
