my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
