we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
