It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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