I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
