It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
