I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
