big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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