Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
