woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
