I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
