so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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