Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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