Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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