oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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