I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
