Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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