went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
