Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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