i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
