Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
