Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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