don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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