Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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