My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
