I looked at my own cervix.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
