the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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