WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
