I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
