Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Houston, we have a blender
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
