We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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