I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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