Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
