Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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