I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
