OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
