Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
