It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
