Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
