I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
