i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
being pregnant is like rehab
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
