They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
