no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
