SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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