I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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