Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I've blown a few things in my day
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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