her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
