Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Text me some of your sweat
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
