You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
